so, i haven't actually been consumed in a blog in a LONG time. seems like forever. i miss it. i miss being able to pour out my heart. ;but now, i can again! 

i don't really want to start on such a touchy subject,but i think i'm in love with the idea of love. somehow, i think every teenager feels this way. we get all worked up over this adoration of said guy or girl. we stay up all night thinking about them. have endless fights we simple could have avoided.

this is something i struggle with oh-so often. i guess that's why it's such a sensitive topic. i'm honestly just scared i may never find someone that amazing ever again that i, i don't know, get so caught up in the idea of having someone there for me. it KILLS me just thinking that everyday is just one day closer to him leaving me. i know i can live without him-because before i met him, i was still alive. ;but that's just it. until i met him, it feels like my life was so dull and focused solely on the "cutest" guys. i fell for him because of his personality. i'm not saying he's not cute, cause he is. but most people,would just be like 'eww,he's ugly.' i think of it as, when you meet someone may not be the 'hottest thing in town' ,but who's life and personality just radiates happiness, you start to see the cuteness in them. you start to become more and more attracted to them. you start to just love the ENTIRE person they are.

i'm thinking my friend is right on this subject. i'm just in denial, because i don't want that to be the case. i want to spend the rest of my life with him. but i kind of just have to snap back to reality, and let it register that he's going off to college next year-while i'm staying here for 3 more stressful years to finish my high school career. 

it's going to be hard to let him go, but if it's meant to be; he'll come back to me.