mr.amazing,

we're not dating. we act like it though; when we're texting and no one can see. the way i see it: why?
i mean, i know we're just friends. you don't love me,but you do like me. every day in the back of my mind, i wish to be you're first love. our days are numbered. i try and spend as much time with you as possible,which is clingy sometimes. and i'm sorry. if there was any way to give up this very moment, i would-point blank. i'm too in over my head. it's horrible.
i wish you would see how much i long for a future with you. we both know it won't happen because of different reasons. i honestly think you DON'T want me in your future.
one day you told me, "when you are looking someone you love, your pupils dilate. the same thing happens when you're looking at  someone you hate." when you look at me, your eyes stay the same. nothing happens. sometimes,i think this brings me down the most. it's not like i don't already know this. it still hurts-it still hurts. what's weird is: when this other guy,who happens to be the only guy i trust in my grade, looks at me...his pupils dilate instantly. makes no sense,huh?


i want you to:
hug me when you see me.
tell me i'm beautiful.
hold my hand.
CALL ME and tell me goodnight-don't text. i want your voice to be the last thing i hear.
just be as you as you can be when we're together.
and although it's impossible with you,kiss me in the rain. i want a fairytale moment.


i don't think i ask for much. in fact,i'm sure every girl wants that. i think i'm afraid of finding another person like you. i never know if one day you'll come back. you're going to have to realize,i KNOW i'm in love with the idea of love. and now i am absolutely positive that's not the case anymore. oh,well. i kinda sorta maybe wish you knew these things.....